Reasons to Hope
by Renegade Ace
Summary: LBD Universe, set after ep 96. After Darcy receives the cryptic message from Lizzie he goes back over her videos, remembering all the reasons she has given him to hope. One shot.


I own nothing pertaining to LBD and P&P.

A number of comments on recent videos have mentioned how they didn't know how the videos were going to give Darcy hope. While rewatching the videos, I tried to think of it from his perspective. And, if you're in love you can't help but hope. And if you've watched all the videos after his confession - hope is there.

This is a really quick one that I wanted to get out before the next video. I apologize about the lack of flow and the awkward set up, but I didn't know how else to format it.

**Reasons to Hope**

He set aside his phone, eyebrow raised. Lizzie had called him. She sounded unsettled. Uncertain, maybe? She wanted to chat? That was it. No hints about what she wished to chat about. No clues in her voice as to the fears and doubts that he knew she must have been feeling. But he knew. He had seen her videos. He knew that she was aware of the part he played in getting the website taken down. Perhaps he should show her Pemberley's videos? There was danger in half truths, he knew. If she knew this, should she not also learn it all? Then perhaps, she would have hope that there was still the possibility for the future she feared was slipping away from her.

A future that he was starting to feel himself able to hold onto with a firmer grip. That was the benefit, he knew, of having hope. It was a luxury that her videos had afforded him. But there were still doubts, still fears.

Looking from his phone, he turned to his computer, to the videos that he had watched. He had them marked in his mind as before and after. He had watched the ones from before as soon as he had been made aware of them. From before he confessed his love for her. Before he was rejected. Before he knew her. He had watched them to learn about her and about himself through her eyes.

It was a whole new world that opened up before him. A new way of seeing himself that he did not approve of. And when William Darcy didn't approve of something, he knew it must be altered.

And he did. He did it for her. He did it for himself as well. He wanted to be able to look himself in the mirror again with pride to know that he was making himself a better person.

He had turned his attention to the after videos to see how he had done with his letter. He hadn't expected to find something else there. He didn't expect to find hope. He didn't expect to see her changing as well: both in opinion of him and regard for herself and family as well.

Darcy continued to watch the videos, watching her develop and grow and become more of the woman he had seen her as in his heart's eye.

Now, in this moment where his hope met fear and doubts, he turned to the videos once more, eager to see which he should cling to before calling her back, eager to count his reasons to hope...

Ep. 62: she had called him handsome in her portrayal of her mother. And she seemed a little disappointed that he wasn't going to be at supper. But maybe it was because she didn't have a distraction from his aunt, or because Fitz wasn't going to be there... but maybe she wanted to see him again, now that she knew a little bit more about him?

Ep. 64: Oh Caroline. He knew that she was fishing for confirmation that Lizzie still didn't care for him, playing the game that she had begun in Netherfield. Lizzie didn't give it, she didn't say that her opinion hadn't changed. He had to believe that if she had still felt as violently against him as she had at Netherfield, she would have admitted it freely, even if she was talking to Caroline, wouldn't she?

Ep. 65: She had welcomed him as a viewer. She thought - hoped? - that he was still around. And when she said his name, it didn't appear to have the vile taste with which he had often heard her say it.

Ep. 67: He had been successful with his letter. She believed him about George, he could tell by the way she said his name when Lydia mentioned him being back in town. It was as though she didn't want to be reminded of the mistake she had made.

Ep. 68: At one time, she would have jumped at telling the world about the drama that she had uncovered. But she hadn't. She hadn't told anyone about his letter. Not until Charlotte persuaded her to. In the interest of fairness. And even then, she didn't reveal anything that could hurt those he cared about.

Alone again, in her second guessing, she admitted that she was grateful for his letter. For a new look at the man she had never really believed him to be. Illuminating? Darcy-ism?... Darcy-ism.

Ep. 72: Through the bad acting of the mellow Bennet cousin, he picked out easily how Lizzie had defended him to Wickham. She said he wasn't all bad. Darcy had virtue. She preferred him to George. And while they both knew her new opinion of the blond, he knew that it was a start.

Ep. 73: The word trainwreck came to mind as he watched the sisters interact over the admittedly bad taste in birthday presents. She had listened to his remarks about her family, about the differences between them. Was she trying to make it so they were more on even ground? Was she trying to make it so he wouldn't be able to use her family as an argument against her?

Ep. 75: She had mentioned him. By name. Out of the blue. There could have been other things she could have said in that moment, but she chose him. She thought of him. She still thought of him after months of being away from him... she thought of him.

Ep. 77: He couldn't look away as he watched her there, at the place he knew as home. He couldn't look away as her face lit up while talking of his company. She approved of Pemberley. She approved of the place that was his family's legacy and his future and the one place that reflected his beliefs and principles and dreams. She had almost called it paradise.

And the thought of their meeting again she had called awkward, not any of the other descriptors that he had been fearing. She didn't say painful.

Ep. 78: Here was once again proof that his little sister could not lie. He had been worried to see her in the previous video. He had been worried about what she would say. He should have known better than to ever think she wouldn't have interfered.

As for Lizzie... she was discomposed, nervous, awkward even with being surprised by his presence. For the first time, it appeared that he had fared better. Maybe he did know that his sister would have been up to something? He knew that she was there, somewhere in the building. He knew that they were going to cross paths at some point. He had the edge, he suppose. He was on home ground.

But, was it just him or was she looking at his lips when he talked? And she had touched him. He hadn't known what to do with his hand, it was true. Handshaking was something he was doing a lot of at the end of the meetings which seemed to be never ending in his life. Did she not want to touch his hand and settled for his arm instead? Or did she, like him, need some sort of contact to believe that this was real?

Ep. 79: She no longer was angry at him for what happened between Bing and Jane. She had moved past the transgressions of the past.

Ep. 80: They had a real conversation. Something more than they had ever had before. And while it had taken costumes to get them there, they did get there, and as soon as he took the hat off, he knew that it became real. She couldn't deny that their relationship, however uncomfortable and undefined it still was, had changed.

They had talked. He had impressed her with his knowledge and interest in her field. He had made her chuckle. They were becoming something real. Friends, maybe?

Ep. 81: Lizzie had listened to him. She actually took his advice. She didn't brush off his opinions as she once did. And Gigi... not helping.

Ep. 82: She had comforted his sister. She had looked out for her and cared about the pain that the younger woman still felt. She hadn't betrayed his trust in telling the story he had confessed in the letter before Gigi was ready to tell it herself. And, perhaps less important in the face of the even, she cared how he might feel about the situation as well. She thought of his feelings after so long believing that he had none.

Ep. 83: When he entered the room, she looked at him differently than she had before their day out. Something had changed. She still pushed him and challenged him but it was in a way that he had noticed while filming to be different than before. She was encouraging, wanting him to stretch his comfort zone. She smiled, unreserved. She flirted. She laughed. He had made her laugh until he thought she would shed tears. He had never felt more proud of himself than in that moment.

They had been honest and earnest. They were getting good at being real, and at letting go of the previous opinions that they had held of one another.

And why did she say that it would be weird for him to portray her father? Was she seeing him in a way that would revolt at the thought of him in a paternal light? Was she starting to think of him in ways that didn't mesh well with him wearing the guise of her father?

Ep. 84: There was something in how she said thank you to him that he couldn't shake. Regret that she couldn't say yes? Fear that she wouldn't see him again?

Ep. 87: Amidst the pain he felt for her and her situation, there was his name. There was the hint that everyone felt what he knew: that she would be happy with him. That she would complete his family.

Ep. 89: He had blinked at the descriptor she had used of her time with him, his company. Nice? Her tone and her uncertainy that laced the word... he knew that there was more to it than that. The look he believed was meant for him, only added to that. But how, he wasn't sure. Was it good? or Bad? or incomplete?

Ep. 91: Her what ifs sounded a lot like his own...

Ep. 93: She didn't deny it. Any of it. He was starting to really like Charlotte. Lizzie didn't deny that there was something between them at Pemberley. And more importantly, she didn't deny that her feelings had indeed changed.

Ep. 94: She used it again. Illuminating. Her Darcy-ism. She must still be thinking about him. Were those the videos that she had been watching?

He had to hand it to Lydia. She understood what he hoped Lizzie would: that he did it because he cared. He did it because he didn't want to see the pain that he had glimpsed when he was forced to say goodbye.

Ep. 95: Again she didn't deny that there was something between herself and Darcy. But also, she understood. She understood Caroline's fears in losing him from her life. Were they, just maybe, also her own?...

He looked back to his phone. Replaying the message, wondering about the events that led to her calling him. Was there anyone else's influence at work? He knew that he would find out soon enough when she undoubtedly posted this as a video. But that was another day off. He had to focus on now, and the information that he had at hand.

He had almost forty videos he could pick from after his ill-delivered confession of feeling. He had almost that many reasons to think that he hadn't been wrong in hoping. But really, those aide, he only needed four.

She thought about him.  
She talked about him.  
She worried about him.  
And, despite thinking him a force of nature, she had called him anyway.

He smiled as he picked up his phone, forgetting the voicemail. He tapped on her name in his contacts. After all this time listening her talk and think and worry about him, he couldn't wait to listen to her talk to him instead.


End file.
